Childless

She was childless..
A mother asked her.. "Don't you feel pity on yourself? You don't have a child."
She smiled and said.. "No.. I do have a child. But it is unborn.
He is unborn somewhere in the universe and I really don't want him to come in this volatile world.
I feel fortunate rather because then
he will never suffer from death. He will never struggle with this cruel world for its survival..
He will never cry with a broken heart..
He will never have to sacrifice its golden youth just to medicate his old mother..
And most importantly I will never have to see him suffer."

Saying that she started walking away with her fruitless womb..

The shadow

There was a shadow. I din't know if it was mine or not but it looked like me.
It was the only thing with me in that long infinite desert. So, I decided to make it my friend.
A friend, OK, a friend who is supposed to be with you when you are travelling in the dark.
A friend who does not control you but controls the hidden Satan inside you.

Well well well so this shadow was my only friend in that desert. I wanted it to be with me wherever I go and yes it was. On the horizon the Sun was rushing way. I did not know to meet whom. May be to his best friend.

Anyway, the dark cloak of the knight began to fall all around. I was still relaxed as my best friend was with me.
I looked behind and whooop it was gone...! I heard just few words behind the darkness.

"You control my life. I am going away..."

May be it was my last breath that I heard after that....

I tried to bribe you, I tried to worship you, I tried to ignore you, I tried to blame you..
Even a NULL would have had replied back..
But you never did..
You never explained why I have to suffer in that final pain..
You never explained why I have to suffer due to the knowingness of I have to end it when I started loving it and I have to continue even if I hate it every second...

Even a NULL would have had replied back..

Someone who creates something with flaws can not be perfect HIMSELF.
If somebody perfect had created us then we must be flawless.. but we are not..
HE must be very similar to us.
If HE does not have bad things which are there inside me, it means I have something that HE does not have.. !! Funny..
If I do not have something good which is inside HIM, it means he left a flaw inside HIS creation...!! Funny..

The royal blue sky with uncountable stars, I could see the sparks in your eyes..
The sparks that caused melting of my tough heart. They twinkled like your beautiful eyes which made me
so thirsty to drink the beauty of life.
I was standing at the sea shore gazing at the boiling silver touching my feet with your soft palms..
Deep blue velvet was mirroring diamonds in the sky...
The beauty of night is reflecting you.. in my eyes..

Nothing is wrong in not knowing who you are, why is this world around you. What makes it worst is being aware of the fact of not knowing about it.
I don't know why did I meet you.. I don,t know when you will be apart..
I love you more than anything and still I am aware of the day when I won't be able to see you..
Why should I pray somebody who is playing this game?
Why should I wish for something that I have to give back at the end?
The fear is not of loosing you.. The fear is of the fact of knowing that I am gonaa loose you.. One day..

He is my grandpa's brother. He is 78 years old. He always talks about God so I am always least interested.
After meeting him I just forget  that he exists and get busy in my life.. Planning for weekends, going to the multiplex and then having Italian for dinner.
              Then I look at an envelope. A letter for me.. He had sent me a letter.. Blessing me and telling me to take care of myself. Sharing a joy with me that his pension got raised by 300 Rs..
             Can I look at my self in the mirror??????

Hey words, I want you to flow from my pen and get scattered on the paper like the pearls..
I assure you I will make a beautiful necklace out of it.. I want you to shine with my every feeling, my every heart beat, my every pain and my every smile...

 Yes.. You are the only one who had lived deep inside me and know me in and out.. No one does it better.
Yes you are the one with whom I have always been so honest.. Yes you are the one who can help me escape from myself..

Now pour on the paper like a heavy rain.. Clean me up from inside so that I can breath in the fresh thoughts..
Help me.. oh my words.. only you can...

I just go to the office. Come home. Then I cook and clean and goto sleep to wakeup next morning. On weekends guests come or I go and attend some functions. I clear up the clutter or do some shopping. Some times I get 2 free minutes and I think. It all feels horrible.
         Life is gonna pass away doing just things in life. When am I going to live it? It is a funny question though. I merely know what is living life. It is may be smelling the fresh green grass in the morning. It is may be looking at the funny insect on the big leaf and getting amused. It is may be forgetting the surroundings and dissolving in a tune of guitar.
   I don't know what is living life but I want to live it....

Standing on the sea shore and looking at the curly waves.. I try to find that small boat we used to sail in the soft sea. The sky is orange. It reminds me your laughter. The water is dark blue. It reminds me your mind. Too deep to see the bottom. The sand is so silky. My palms are unable to hold it. It reminds me of.. you...
           Where have you gone? I still can hear you.. within myself. I just cant see you. I ask every starfish that comes to shore. Have you seen him? They just leave their prints on the shore and get merged into the water.. Like you did..
          

My thoughts are clear.. Like a rain drop in sky before it hits the ground.
They flow like a bubbly waterfalls. I enjoy looking at them. I bask under their refreshing bubble dance.
They don't have their own color. They reflect me. They will reflect you.. They will show you how you look to your self. So join me.. with your clear thoughts.. about me, about you, about life.. What else is in there?