how much you love me

I know you love me.. I really do. You love me 99.999999% now, that's a lot!
From your perspective, that could be the most you loved anybody...But....

I am designed differently. I am so sorry for that. I am born color blind. What I see is black and white.
Right! Either black or white. So you either love me OR you don't! The missing 0.000000001% has made such a difference, you won't be able to understand. And it's not really your fault.. It's really not!!

You know the most vulnerable place of my mind. You know what breaks me bad... Very tiny things those may seem. Very little for you or for the world.. Too tiny to keep me sane. Too tiny to fit into 0.00000001% of your NON-love.

This is how it is. I am either being loved or I am not!

And if I am not, then seeking happiness is for sure a futile journey...

Wish me luck finding love some time some where...
And I wish you luck getting a color sane companion some time some where....

No Control

I had many plans with you for our future.
I had taken you for granted to participate in my plan, to be with me in my future.
But HE did not like that I had taken you granted.
Obviously! You were not my property. I had only rented you from HIM.
I paid the rent every day. Sometimes by suffering physically. Sometimes mentally.
I had to pay the rent for some unknown happiness HE has given to me by loosing you back to HIM.
Now the joy floats around me like hollow soap bubble in sunshine, flaunting its little rainbow which when I touch, everything is poof all gone...!!

Traitor

Golden sky line in the evening poured your memories on me.. Again..
Pretty flowers in my book unhanded the sweet fragrance.. Again...
Holding it in with palms my mind took a deep breath.. Again.. to live the memories.. Again..
I don't know How many miles, how many relations, how many feelings I passed behind
and appeared again in your eyes.. In front of your eyes..
Neither anyone could notice nor you..
My mind who crossed many words, many boundaries can not be blamed.
How can I say to it that you are the traitor?

I won't follow

I saw the Sun and couldn't tell its religion.

 

There were crows on the tree I couldn't find a Muslim crow or a Hindu crow or a Christian one.

 

There were days when I was so close to the earth and  a crystal raindrop used to be as pure as my heart.

 

There were days when there was present neither the religion nor its followers.

 

There was a day when all of it started.

 

Everything that has a start also borns with a moment living in future with which it will end for sure.

 

Your religion had borned some day and some day it will die for sure.

 

Still you are so eager to slit my throat because I do not want to follow you and your  God..

The fight

Face the fate,
with head held high..
Fate should be ashamed,
Not you and I..
There won't be answers,
so don't ask why..
Defeat the destiny,
till you say last goodbye..

Journy

Ears are no more friends with me, neither the eyes,
I chose to be alone, for rest of the skies..
I walked with you till here, with my hand in your hand,
A wave wiped our castle, which was made only of sand..

Circle

HE told me that I am special.

HE told me that HE will always take care of me.

I believed HIM like everybody else did..

I worshiped HIM every day..

I prayed HIM every night..

Everything was going fine.

There were sorrows but far away. They were not touching me and I knew the reason.

There was HE who was keeping me safe.. like all others who worshiped him..

Then a day came.

I came to know that it was a lie.

I was surrounded by a demons of the sorrows. I got terrified. I ran into him and started crying and started begging HIM.

I asked him to take care of me.. And what I saw was unbelievable..

He was laughing loudly. All the demons were his friends standing and laughing besides him.

He said.. “This is it! I gave you all the happiness because I could have something to take back..

You would not be aware of sorrows and pain then if I haven’t had given happiness to you first. This is what I enjoy..

This is why I created you.. Now its time to die..”

I closed my eyes with load of broken soul..

I don’t know how much time passed away when I opened my eyes.

Again I felt special..

HE told me that HE will always take care of me.